Looking Back, Looking Ahead

With another year rapidly coming to a close it seems only natural to take a look back at the past year. It was a great one, I must say, maybe the best year of my life. I got married to an amazing man, finished my AA and began working towards my writing degree, turned 30, moved into a beautiful home in an amazing part of San Diego, and watched my son grow from a helpless baby to a little boy who is becoming more and more self sufficient every day. It goes too quick, but we all know that don’t we?

It seems self-indulgent to sit here and recount all the blessings that have filled my life in the last year, but in looking back the blessings are all I see. I know that there were bad times too, arguments over some nonsense, hurt feelings and regrets, but those aren’t the memories that linger. They are swallowed in a tide of gratitude for everything that I have experienced, everything yet to come. It seems that I have gotten to the good part of life, the part of life that makes all the struggle that preceded it seem insignificant. Funny, because I have spent the last decade dreading turning thirty, as if it was some magical age where upon its arrival, I would lose all my edge and everything that made me interesting. And I admit, what little edge I did have is now gone. No more piercings or cutting political diatribes. The tattoos I once thought made me stand out have become an eyesore and a reminder of a time in my life I would gladly not return to. All the things that I thought made me who I am have been revealed to be just the things I hid myself behind.

The real me, the person that I am today, is a woman who is completely content to spend the day cleaning house while listening to NPR. I am a woman who takes as much pride in successfully roasting a turkey as I do in my 3.85 GPA. Hell, the turkey was harder to achieve. I am a person who finds nothing more joyful or fulfilling than watching my son discover the world in his own way. Is there satisfaction in heading a fortune 500 company or overseeing the merger of two giant media conglomerates? I am sure there is but I would argue that it is no greater than the satisfaction derived from a perfect batch of chocolate chip cookies, a tantrum stopped mid scream with a song and a cuddle, or a husband who is happy to come home to his family every night.

I have learned that the things that matter in life are not the grand impacts that we leave on the world, but the simple everyday pleasures that seem so common they are usually taken for granted. I am making no resolutions for the year ahead except for this: to never take for granted the simple moments of happiness that are presented to me everyday. That’s it, but is there really anything more than that?

I wish you all a year of happiness and an overabundance of gratitude.

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5 thoughts on “Looking Back, Looking Ahead

  1. Very nice. Happy New Year! And I think I have a new quote of the year, “All the things that I thought made me who I am have been revealed to be just the things I hid myself behind.”

  2. We are blissed to have you in our life’s. Thank you for reminding us of all the things we see in you, that you see in life now!!! Great moments,Great memories!!! Happy new year! May your live be as blissed as mine has been with friends and family!

  3. Ha, i hit the wrong key!!!BLESSING BLESSED!!! see i do know how to spell it, just don’t know how to fix it on this stupid computer!!!! sorry

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