I’m back! I know it’s been awhile since my last post but my life was totally over loaded and blogging was not on my list of priorities. Between school, David and trying to keep us ahead of the growing pile of crap in the house that threatened to consume us all, I just didn’t have any time to form my thoughts into coherent sentences for your enjoyment. But I did it, I managed to finish the thirty pages of research papers, kept David fed, clothed and entertained, and no one ran out of clean underwear. Bonus! But now that summer is here, I find that my stress has been replaced by boredom.
Maybe I’ve just become used to having too much to do. That nagging feeling in my stomach that was always there reminding me of all that still needed to be done is gone. Now I have a very similar feeling in my stomach that reminds me of the guilt I feel over all the free time I have. Free time seems to make me uneasy. Before the semester was over I would day dream of all the things I would do with David once summer came. We are now at the beginning of week two of summer break and I’m all out of ideas. I’ve played ball, bubbles, and cars. We’ve gone to the beach, zoo and park. We’ve pretended to be a monkey and a bird. We’ve fed the ducks, pet some dogs and smashed a lady bug (whoops). We’ve even sat on the potty a few times but haven’t put anything in it. I think David believes that the only reason we sit on the potty is to read stories. Not the progress I was anticipating.
What I wish is that I could find a way to balance motherhood with all the other aspects of my life. I seem to exist in a perpetual state of guilt. I volley between guilt that I’m not dedicating enough of myself to David and guilt over everything else that goes neglected. Maybe that’s part of being a mom, always feeling like there isn’t enough of you. A feeling I am very aware of now that I’m not preoccupied with identifying the similarities between Shakespeare’s Othello and Aristotle’s Poetics.
I do realize that I have high-end problems. I am completely blessed to have a husband who works his ass off so that I can stay home and blog about having too much spare time. I’m sure he wishes he had the same complaints. Have I mentioned how completely amazing my husband is lately? He really is the greatest person I have ever known and I’m still flabbergasted that I managed to get him to marry me. He’s the person I always wanted but never thought I’d find. And here I am, amidst all this happiness, complaining about being stretched too thin. Enough of that bullshit, I’m going to go play ball and give thanks for this life I have.