A Day in the Life

Lately I’ve felt like I get nothing accomplished all day.  It seems every night I go to bed with dishes left in the sink, a living room rug covered in dog hair and Cheerios, and a pile of laundry where my couch use to be. Seriously, this laundry pile is becoming an issue.  No matter what I do, it never gets smaller.  It’s like a beast out of Greek mythology, if you cut off its head, three more sprout in its place.

Laundromodus, the creature made completely of clean laundry that has taken over my couch.

I decided to approach this problem logically. I kept a log of everything I did for a day to see where all my time goes.  Here is what I discovered:

6:27 am- Am awoken by a thumping on my forehead.  Open my eyes to see David peering down at me while he whacks me in the head with his Nemo. And so the day begins.

6:30 am- Shuffle out to living room and make coffee.  Stand staring at coffee maker willing it to go faster to no avail.

6:35 am- Change David’s diaper and get him set up with Cheerios, a banana and a sippy full of milk. Sigh deeply as David throws Cheerios on the rug and eats them off the floor.

6:45 am- Finally, coffee is ready.  Sit down with a cup when I realize the living room smells rather disgusting.  Double sigh.

6:47 am- Change first poopy diaper of the day.  Take it to the outside trash so the rest of the house isn’t filled with the noxious odors held within it. Realize after I come back inside that I just wandered outside without a bra on for all the neighbors to see.  Triple sigh.

6:55 am- Return to my cup of coffee after washing my hands and realize my coffee is now cold.  Drink it anyway.

7:00 am- Make David breakfast.  I know what you are thinking, the floor Cheerios and banana were his breakfast, but D is like a Hobbit.  That was first breakfast, the meal he eats so that I can get a cup of coffee in my system before I have to make actual food.  Second breakfast consists of two eggs, a tortilla and grapes.

7:15 am- Wash dishes from last night and this morning while David eats. Once the kitchen is clean I realize I forgot to make Casey’s lunch.  Shit…

7:32 am- Clean kitchen for the second time after making lunch for Casey. Am beginning to realize the inefficiencies in my routine. May have found room for improvement.

8:00 am- After doing two loads of laundry and adding to the ever-growing pile of clean clothes on the couch, I go to the bedroom to wake Casey for work and put on a bra before I humiliate myself again. Come back into the living room to find David completely naked dancing in front of the television to the theme song for Curious George.  Decide it is easier to leave him that way and get a second cup of coffee.

8:15 am- Realize I made a mistake in not getting David back into his clothes when he pees on the carpet.

8:26 am- Rug cleaned and D dressed again.  Notice that funky smell from earlier is back.  Oh my God, what is it about a clean diaper that makes this kid need to poo?

8:37 am- Poopy diaper #2 changed and disposed of.  Pace around the living room waiting for Casey to come out so that I can get into the bathroom.  Irritation builds as I ponder the unfairness of having to wait to go to the bathroom while others just let it loose whenever the mood strikes them.

8:42 am- Casey is finally up and I head to the bathroom.

8:44 am- Am hit in the head by the bathroom door when David pushes it open yelling, “Mama.” I guess my alone time is over.

9:00 am Abandon the plan of logging my activities for the day when I realize I do way too many things to keep track of.

After looking back on my incomplete log, I realize that I do a lot in one day, even if it doesn’t look like it.  I have come to terms with the fact that my house is never going to be spotless and the laundry will continue to take up residence on my couch.  As long as we are able to open the door without a flood of unfolded socks spilling out on to the porch, I think we are in pretty good shape.

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Me- By the Numbers

Pounds lost and gained in the last ten years: 310

minimum number of times I change my clothes per day: 4

Times per day I say, “David, get down!”: 47

Times per day I say “I love you”: 50

Years spent in college: 6

Degrees obtained: 0

Meals prepared per day: 7

Nights per week I fall asleep on the couch while watching television: 6

Minutes I am able to jog in a row: 25

Minutes spent per week examining  angry line between my eyes, trying to decide if it seems more prominent: 20

Times per day I ask my husband if he thinks I’m fat: 5

Times per day I make my husband sigh in frustration: 5 (at least)

Number of books I have started to read in the last two months: 9

Number of books I have completed reading in the last two months: 2

Minutes spent per night getting David to fall asleep: 180

Minutes it takes from the time David falls asleep before I start to miss him: 10

Episodes of  “The Office” watched per week: 17

Dollars earned writing: 51

Number of years as a registered Democrat: 12

Number of third-party candidates voted for: 3

Cities lived in: 3

Number of engagements: 2

New Years resolutions kept: 0

Number of pets I have had as an adult: 8

Hippie festivals attended: 2

Number of world records held: 1

Number of piercings I have had in my life (excluding ear lobes): 7

Times per day I feel older than I am: 15

Times per day I have to remind myself that I am not 16 anymore: 5

World's largest drum circle- Earthdance 2004. I'm in there somewhere.