I was thinking today it’s been too long since I have written here, but I didn’t realize it’s been five months. How did all that time pass without me noticing? I’ve lost myself in the things I love as of late, and I have nurtured my creative self, giving her some time off from public display. It’s hard for me to be so open with my writing, with my thoughts and feelings, even in this filtered way with cyberspace as a buffer. It’s all so exposing and so I have retreated back to my journal, the kind made of paper with lines written in hasty scribbles, the no one ever reads but me, and maybe a noisy table-mate if my attention is diverted. I’m experimenting with my writing, trying to be less restrictive and more mindful of process because really, the only reason I do this is because I love the process. It’s not about recognition or approval, it’s about writing something that feels true to me and that makes me happy. As much as a bemoan having another writing assignment due, I love the task of putting myself on the page. I’m getting better at it too. I’m getting better at forgetting about audience and what they would want me to say and instead just writing what I hear in my head.
Anyway, I just wanted to check in here to tell the lovely few of you who read my jargon that I am still here, and I will be back in a more substantial way once I figure out what it is I have to say. The family is good, the baby (who is no longer a baby but a giant, tremendous boy) is good, life in general is good. And that’s as much as there is to say. I just want to enjoy the good with my coffee and my journal and keep it all to myself for now.
If anyone is in the mood for something a little different, I am providing a link here to an amazing poet who inspires me as a woman, as a mother, and as a writer. Her name is Bernadette Mayer and she is one of the best kept secrets of the literary world. Though I don’t fully understand why, I feel like I have found a kindred spirit in her. Anyway, I love her dearly so I felt I should share her with the rest of you who I also love so dearly.
Good night, for now.