The Pregnancy That Wouldn’t End

I must admit, this is a problem I never anticipated having.  With all the worries and concerns that come alone with being pregnant, not going into labor six days after my due date and facing inducement was not one of them.  I had prepared for the possibility of early labor, with finals for spring semester scheduled for a week before my due date, my biggest fear was that I would go into labor early and have to take incompletes in my classes.  So I worked ahead, negotiated with my professors, and finished my semester ahead of time. Unnecessarily, I now discover.  I guess in the grand scheme of things, being pregnant an extra week isn’t the worst thing to ever happen, but the longer this goes on, the more I feel like I am failing in some essential way.

The aches and pains of pregnancy are wearing, though they have become something I am used to.  The constant push in my right side just below my ribs from my unborn son’s knees is now just a part of who I am.  What is harder is the constant look of concern on everyone’s face, the excited light I see in my husband’s eyes when I gasp in pain, his hopes of labor soon dashed when I explain the baby just kicked me in the bladder again.  My mother has traveled 800 miles to help with a baby who just doesn’t want to come out. She missed Christmas with my dad, brothers and nieces to be here to help me and I’m not having a baby. She hasn’t complained once, but I still can’t help but feel guilty that I pulled her away from her life to be here weeks before grandson.  For some reason I Googled inducement last night and discovered that, according to most women, it is much more painful than going into labor naturally, and natural labor kicked my ass last time around. Google is that tactless friend who will tell you exactly what you wanted to know but doesn’t consider your feelings while doing it.

I should know by now that life can’t be planned and the unexpected has a way of arriving more often than not, but I still feel unsettled. All these feelings of fear, anticipation, and disappointment along with physical exhaustion have left me with unpredictable emotions that flare up more and more often. I cry for no reason, snap when people ask how I’m feeling, and avoid contact with pretty much everyone for fear that I will say something that I don’t mean. This has been a hard ending to a very hard year but I know the joy to come will make it all worth it. If the joy would just hurry up and get here.

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Things I Will Miss About Being Pregnant

Anyone who has been around me in the last nine months knows that pregnancy is not my favorite state of being.  With my second (and likely last) pregnancy due to come to a close at the end of this week, I thought I should make a list of the things that I will actually miss about having a small human living inside me.

1. Being able to eat whatever I want whenever I want under the guise of it is what the baby wants me to do.  I will be missing the snack sized Twix and potato soup that have become my diet staples over the last few months.

2. The looks of sympathy I am able to garner whenever I make a sound of discomfort. Rubbing my belly with a pained expression on my face usually brings on an invitation to sit down and a cold drink brought to me.

3. Guilt free napping in the afternoon, even when dinner isn’t made and the laundry isn’t done.

4. David kissing my belly and telling baby brother to hurry up and come play Spiderman

5. Maternity pants. Elastic waistbands may not be sexy, but damn are they comfortable.

6. The unarguable excuse out of social functions and obligations I don’t feel like attending.  Casey especially enjoyed this perk to get him out of work functions over the last year.

7. The anticipation of something completely joyous to come in the future.