We are home now after our week on Kauai’s southern coast. My plan was to write blog posts documenting each day of our trip. Then I realized I was on vacation, so I drank a beer instead! Seriously, this trip is what all of us needed and I can’t wait to do it again. Here is the breakdown of our seven days in paradise:
Hours spent on airplanes: 11.5 This may not seem like much but remember, I have two kids to deal with. They were fantastic though (and that isn’t a mommy lie) and I was really proud of them both. They were better behaved than I was. At around the two-and-a-half hour mark on the overnight flight home, I was seized with the overwhelming desire to grab each sleeping passenger by their shoulders and shake them as hard as I could until they were awake and as miserable as I was. And when the woman in front of me decided to recline her chair into my three inches of personal space, I dug my knees into the back of her seat until she decided to sit upright again.
Pounds gained: 2 After all the mai tais, margaritas, hula pie, and the amazing dinner at The Beach House (watermelon salad, stuffed chicken breast with polenta, and cranberry cheesecake!) I’m surprised I didn’t gain more. Two pounds is a small price to pay for a week of eating what I wanted and not feeling guilty.
Sea urchin attacks: 1 Casey is at Urgent Care right now getting the remaining spines pulled from his foot and hand. David told all the kids at circle time today that his dad stepped on a spiky monster that lives in the ocean. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so dramatic in my explanation of what a sea urchin is, but have you seen these things? This is why I maintain the ocean is for looking at, not for going into.
Near-death experiences: 1 I decided I should try something new while on vacation, be adventurous for once. Not heeding my own advice about the ocean, I asked Casey to take me out snorkeling. Even though I can only manage a frantic doggie paddle, I thought I would be able to handle floating on top of the water and staring down at fish. I was wrong. As I clung to a boogie board, I started to realize this was a bad idea. I asked Casey how I was supposed to move around. I tried to appear calm but my voice only came out in shrill bursts because I was hyperventilating . He told me to let go of the board and start swimming. I told him he was nuts. He rolled his eyes. Just then, I saw a dark shadow lurking beneath the water. Of course my mind reached the only logical explanation: I was about to be eaten by a shark. I tried to leap onto the boogie board but instead I flipped it out of the water when I put too much of my weight on the end. A huge (1 foot) wave crashed down and flung me to the shore. I tried to get my footing, but another wave pulled me out again. As I felt myself rocketing towards the shore once again, I saw a father walking his tiny, no more than two-year-old daughter to the surf. This wasn’t going to be good. I managed to drag my foot into the sand, slowing myself down enough to stop short of colliding with the toddler by six inches. I gave a breathless apology as I struggled to my feet and trudged out of the treacherous water. And just because the shadow ended up being a shark-shaped rock doesn’t mean I am paranoid.
Times I wished we never had to leave: Too many to count. Kauai stole my heart like no place has. I want to live there and spend my days feeding feral chickens, speaking pidgen, and watching sunsets in my I ❤ Kauai t shirt as I eat hula pie. If Kauai was a man it would be a doctor who loved to cook and clean, and would hold your hair after one too many mojitos. Kauai was the perfect counter to living in an overcrowded, fast-paced city where no one seems too happy to be. If I can figure out a way to spend the rest of my life there, that is exactly what I will be doing.